Monday, October 13, 2014

It's Believing That Gets Me Through

"Babies lost in the womb were never touched by fear, they were never cold, never hungry, never alone and importantly always knew love" - Z Clark-Coates (
I recently read this quote and I didn't like it.

When we lost our first child, people told us he was special and that we were special. He wouldn't have to feel the pain of the world.

I was willing to let him feel a little pain if he could have come back to us. I would have been okay if there were times he was a little scared, cold, hungry, or alone if he could have stayed with us. He is always loved, here or not, that would never have changed. The good would have outweighed the bad more than enough to make it worth him being part of our family on earth.

Today I was loading the dishwasher and my baby started crying the last five or so minutes. I kept saying, "It's okay, I'm almost done." She didn't understand me, didn't know I was five feet away keeping an eye on her, all she knew was that she was unhappy, and she let me know.

When I was done with the dishes, I picked her up to comfort her for a minute, then laid her down to wrap her up for her nap. The cries that had subsided immediately started again with more intensity. I held her fighting arms down as I wrapped her up. Then I snuggled her, shushed her, rocked her, and patted her back to calm her down and get her to sleep.

Doing this made me think of what it's like for God to deal with us. We don't understand his plan for us, why he does or doesn't do things. There is so much fear, cold, hunger, and pain in this world. Why? I don't know. I don't know, but I have to believe he does. I have to believe in him.

Do you believe in God, that he is? Do you believe he created everything? Do you believe he has all wisdom and power, on earth and in heaven? Do you believe that man can't understand all the things God understands?

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. ... [I]f you believe all these things see that ye (have faith in) them." when the times are hard.

Just as my baby can't understand why I wouldn't pick her up right away, why she had to cry, why she had to feel sad, why I was holding her arms down while wrapping her up, why she gets hungry, why it hurts when she scratches her face, why she's too cold or too warm, why she can't sleep in my arms all the time, we have to understand that we don't understand God.

Even if I don't understand why he allows bad things to happen to me, even if I can't feel his love, I do believe that God is always there for me and loves me deeply.