Thursday, December 21, 2017

Is Everything Going To Be Okay?

A friend posted the following question on facebook: When you are going through something hard how do you know it will be ok in the end?

I replied: Honestly, you don't necessarily know it will be okay in the end, but you have to hope it is. At least okay in the earthly mortal sense of okay, in the eternal sense it will definitely all be okay if you keep doing what's right the best you can.

I have to remind myself, "I can do hard things." If you look back at everything you've already been through, how many have you gotten through? All of them. You'll get through this too. When things don't go as planned, you can learn to look for the good- love and support from family and friends, learning about compassion, learning about being more sensitive to others.

Whatever happens, you're always finding a 'new normal' for your life, adapting to the situation, and learning. Sometimes you have to let others have the faith for you so that you can plan for the worst so you are prepared if it happens and pleasantly surprised if it doesn't. Everything turns out the for best or you make the best of the way things turn out.

I've often heard that God won't give you anything you can't handle. My husband said that actually he will give you more than you can handle. If you could get through life on your own with things you could handle, then why would you need help from him or family or friends or professionals? If he gives you things you can't handle, then it forces you to turn to him or to others for help, forging lasting bonds of love and friendship.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it definitely takes a village to get through life.

Friday, October 13, 2017

How To Have A Good Day

Everybody wants to have a good day today, but how do you do it? Summed up in one word: choose.

You have to choose everyday, sometimes every hour, to be happy. You have to work at it. You can get yourself out of a bad mood or panic mode by pure will. I'm talking everyday bad moods, not depression or severe anxiety. There are definitely times when you need therapy and/or medication. I'm talking in generalities here, though these techniques may help to refocus your thoughts regardless of what you are dealing with.

I've definitely had/have a good portion of trials, like we all have, so I say it is possible despite many bad circumstances.

When I'm in a bad mood sometimes I just want to stew in the badness of it. Just go over every bad thing because it almost feels good and justified, I deserve to be in a bad mood. But honestly it doesn't make me feel good, and it usually doesn't solve any problems.

Just this morning I was thinking about the future and literally felt sick to my stomach with worry that things would be so bad we would never be happy. But I stopped myself and looked at the big black cloud of worry and trouble (said in a deep scary voice) and encircled it with a silver lining (said in a fairy voice). It's not that I make the big black cloud go away, I can't, but I can put a silver lining on it and focus on that.

It's not ignoring my problems, but choosing to look at the situation from a different perspective. Look at it from a perspective of hope and happiness. Knowing that even if the big black cloud is always there, I have a silver lining around it. I can do hard things.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS! Remember that statement and tell yourself you can because it's true. Look back on your life and how many hard days you've gone through in the past. How many of those hard days are still around? None, because you survived them and made it to a new day. You can beat hard days. You can do hard things. Telling yourself you can do hard things helps empower you to succeed, even if just for an hour.

Find some humor or beauty in life, even if it's just how beautiful the moon looks, or telling yourself your favorite joke that always cracks you up (even if you're the only one laughing). Laughing and smiling releases tension and gets you back in a positive frame of mind. When you're in a positive frame of mind then you can look at a problem with fresh eyes and focused concentration.

Serve others. You don't have to do anything big, but lots of little good things add together to be a powerful force. Smile and say hi to people. Pay for someone else's lunch. Invite some friends/family/neighbors over for dinner and games. Talk to someone first instead of waiting for others to talk to you. Call or text someone to catch up on how their life is going. Bake a double batch of cookies and give some to others. Volunteer in an elementary, a library, a retirement home, with foster children, on a clean up project, at the homeless shelter. Listen to understand what people are saying. Open a door for someone. You can think of one small service project that would be good for you, and then just do it.

Surround yourself with positivity. Post inspirational quotes where you can see them. Have beautiful pictures on hand to look at. Find positive memes that make you feel good. Talk positively with others, lifting them up as well as yourself. Read about people that inspire you.

Lastly, it's okay and normal to feel all sorts of emotions. It would be weird if you never were sad or mad or revengeful. But don't stay there! Experience the emotion, try to understand it, then try to resolve it so you can be happy. It doesn't mean you won't be mad about the same thing again, but that you can resolve the mad emotion in the moment so it doesn't overtake your brain and life.

Choose to have a good day.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Live One More Day

Some days we wake up and feel awesome! Other days it's feels like...

"Another heartbreak day 
Feels like you’re miles away
Don’t even need no shade
When your sun don’t shine...
Too many passin’ dreams
Roll by like limousines
It’s hard to keep believin’
When they pass you by and by
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet..."* 
"‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfoldAnd this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise
When minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days, think back on your life and how fast the years have gone by. You've accomplished so much by just living through every day. And you can make each day worth it by not taking it for granted.

You are alive, you have people who love you, you have the internet if you're reading this, you have a purpose in life. So go live purposefully and watch the glorious unfolding!

*TobyMac - Move (Keep Walkin')

**Steven Curtis Chapman - Glorious Unfolding