Forgotten Gratitude

When told to count your blessings, many things may come to mind, or just a few. There are some things we should be grateful for that we often forget. 

Safety- whether it's coming back safe from a drive or a walk, living in a war free territory, or away from natural disasters.

Health- though a lot of us have multiple health issues, physical and mental, there are so many other issues that we do not suffer from.

Wealth- wealth is relative, what may be poor in one location is rich in another location. Having access to running water, electricity, internet, food, and health care are all signs of being quite well off compared to most of earthly life. Also the wealth of good family and friends, even if it is only one person. 

If we could all take some extra time to be grateful for that which seems ordinary this month, we can heal our hearts a little. 

Light In The Darkness

There is much turmoil in the world today. We constantly see it on the news, talk about it with friends and family, or avoid talking about it to keep the peace politically. It can make us feel hopeless and helpless sometimes. What can we do to stop the terrible things happening all over the world and right in our own neighborhoods? Honestly, there's really not much we can do to stop it, but we can spread our own influence of goodness. While the news shares mostly negative actions, we can share positive actions to lighten our own lives and the lives of those around us.

Every time you are kind to the cashier at the store, smile at someone passing you on the sidewalk, hold open a door for someone else, or are helpful to your own family, you are making a difference for good. Small acts of kindness remind others that there are good people in the world doing good things still. It can give people hope and courage. 

We also make a difference for good by not doing evil things. By not being the person who causes fear and anger in others, we leave the world a better place. Negative things left unsaid or undone can be just as powerful as positive things said and done, but only you know the control you used to keep peace in the world. 

Be a light in the darkness to give yourself and others a reason to keep on going strong with help and hope.

Goals and Systems

Ready to set goals for the New Year that will not be accomplished? It might be you want a system but call it a goal. 

Use goals for definable and achievable things like save $1 a week until you have $100 to buy the item you want. Set a goal, set small achievable steps, mark them as you do them, achieve goal, and completely finish.

Use systems for goals like eating healthier, exercising, and working on your personality. Systems are actions that you incorporate into your life that will become lifelong habits. 

Goal: add a fruit to breakfast and snack, and a veggie to lunch and dinner. This goal has no end, except in death or giving up. Your goal is not ever achieved or fulfilled.

System: add a fruit to breakfast and snack, and a veggie to lunch and dinner. This system is something you can continue your whole life and feel satisfied that it has no end. This is just something you do now, like brushing your hair and teeth. Sometimes you skip brushing your teeth or on sick days you don't brush your hair, but that doesn't mean you stop brushing on good days. You now have a system of eating more fruits and veggies, and if you miss a meal or a day or a week, you just get back into your system. 

It's more than just semantics, it is two different ways of accomplishing two different ideas. They are both good and needed for different things. Goals are for short or long term items with a definable end. Systems are for items you want to keep doing your whole life. Habits are just something you do automatically, systems are something you start intentionally. 

When you are setting goals this 2025 New Year, make sure you correctly label and implement them as goals or systems so you can live a happy fulfilled life.

picture link

Forty Years of Life

 Today is my 40th birthday! When I was younger this seemed so old, but now I've arrived, it seems so young. Here are four things I've learned through each decade of life:

0-10 years old: It's okay to have someone take care of you when you can't do it yourself.

11-20 years old: Learn to be independent and do things for yourself.

21-30 years old: Figure out who you are and what you really want from life.

31-40 years old: Be kind, we're all struggling with a lot and pretending we're fine. 

In the next decade, I'm hoping to become more empathetic and sharing. I'm hoping to take more time to do the things I love instead of the easy mediocre things. I'm hoping my family will draw even closer together as we realize time together is fleeting and precious. I'm hoping I keep becoming my best self.

Open Yourself Up To Light

 

Open yourself up to light.

When you've been in a dark room, turning on the light or walking outside into the sunlight can hurt your eyes. You have to adjust gradually. When you are really cold, even mildly warm water feels like it is burning your skin. You have to adjust gradually. 

When your mind and soul have been in a cold or dark place, you have to gradually open yourself up to light and warmth. Jumping straight in can hurt and burn. 

When trying to help people who are in a dark place we want to give so much love, but coming from a loveless place, including not loving themselves, can be overwhelming and painful. We need to keep the help and love available and let them gradually open themselves and adjust to a new way of feeling. 

Every step in the right direction, even if it's small, even if it's after going the wrong direction again, will slowly go closer to the light. Eventually you realize by looking back how far you have come and how bright your life is now. Then you reach back a hand and a heart to others and patiently wait.

An Extraordinary Ordinary Life

"Shine like the sun, make darkness run and hide. 

We know we were made for so 

much more than ordinary lives. 

It's time for us to more than just survive. 

We were made to thrive." -Casting Crowns

 

"...(W)e were made for so much more than ordinary lives. ... We were made to thrive." Are you thriving or surviving? Are you living an ordinary life or an extraordinary ordinary life?

It's not about being famous or rich, educated or accomplished. It's about thriving, living an extraordinary ordinary life. An ordinary but elevated life.

What makes an extraordinary ordinary life? It depends on the person. Some things that I believe make for an extraordinary ordinary life where you thrive are the following: love, peace, close family and friends, understanding your self-worth, following your dreams, and being true to who you are and what you believe.

When you make the best of your life wherever you are and are intrinsically happy, happy because of you, then you can thrive in many circumstances.

Unfortunately many times true greatness isn't seen until after true tragedy. Those that rise from the devastation of their lives and continue to be, or change into, a loving and serving person. There are many organizations that were founded after the untimely death of a loved one from a fatal disease. There are amazing deeds of service done after natural catastrophes strike.

 

We don't all need to be world renowned heroes, but we can be heroes to those in our sphere of influence- those we interact with in our daily lives. Making choices that benefit our lives and the lives of others will help us to live elevated extraordinary ordinary lives.

Words of Encouragement

The world is in corona-chaos right now. People are panicking, having anxiety attacks, and suffering in multiple ways. It's not fun and it doesn't seem fair. But who said life had to be fair? A five year old said life had to be fair. As adults we know life isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. People lose their faith in God, in themselves, in humanity. I choose to keep my faith.

I keep my faith in God, in myself, and in humanity. As there will always be terrible people, there will also always be amazing people. Seek out the amazing people- the helpers, the optimistic, the truth tellers, the kind, the patient, the funny, the encouragers, the givers.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." -Mr Rogers

I echo the sentiments that you've been hearing lately because we all need gentle reminders of goodness, hope, and peace.

Be kind to yourself. You don't need to bake bread because everyone else is doing it. You don't need to follow a schedule because everyone else is doing it. You don't need to be anyone else except yourself.

Be kind to others. You can never truly know everything in someone's life.

Be prepared. Don't hide your head under the blanket and watch Netflix all day without first getting the supplies you need and getting news from reliable sources.

Be generous. You don't have to give away everything you prepared, but if you can spare a 6 pack of toilet paper to someone who has none, then do it.

Eat as healthy as you can. Since people are taking less frequent trips to the grocery store, click here for a list of produce that will stay fresh longer.

Keep positive thoughts in your head to balance out the negative. Here's a catchy song to keep you going the next few weeks.

Been There, Done That

So has the corona-chaos quarantine descended on your home as well? My kids are doing okay. We've been through something similar before, as have lots of families with cancer.

My daughter has been dealing with cancer for the last four years, and while we were doing chemo we were on semi-lock down. Husband still went to work but lots of sanitizer and hand washing, no shoes in the house, very limited visitors (only those who were not sick and no one in their household was sick either), wearing masks if we were sick to not pass it on to our chemo ridden daughter, trick-or-treating bedroom door to bedroom door in our three bedroom apartment, only one parent goes to the grocery store, taking daughter out for doctor appointments, and multiple hospital stays.

But, this is a big but, my kids look back fondly on the time spent in that small apartment. Many times when we drive by, they point it out and say they want to go back. We worked hard to make it the best we could under the circumstances. So between administering shots to our daughter, home-nurse visits, and medicine, we had lots of treats, play time, fun and love. We spent time together playing, watching lots of tv, reading books, and eating more treats.

"The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." - Jim Henson

Teach your kids to find fun, find joy, find peace, find laughter, find themselves. They will appreciate the time you spend together if you appreciate it first. It doesn't mean it will always be easy or there will be no fighting, but the more good there is, the more good they will remember.

Is Everything Going To Be Okay?

A friend posted the following question on facebook: When you are going through something hard how do you know it will be ok in the end?

I replied: Honestly, you don't necessarily know it will be okay in the end, but you have to hope it is. At least okay in the earthly mortal sense of okay, in the eternal sense it will definitely all be okay if you keep doing what's right the best you can.

I have to remind myself, "I can do hard things." If you look back at everything you've already been through, how many have you gotten through? All of them. You'll get through this too. When things don't go as planned, you can learn to look for the good- love and support from family and friends, learning about compassion, learning about being more sensitive to others.

Whatever happens, you're always finding a 'new normal' for your life, adapting to the situation, and learning. Sometimes you have to let others have the faith for you so that you can plan for the worst so you are prepared if it happens and pleasantly surprised if it doesn't. Everything turns out the for best or you make the best of the way things turn out.

I've often heard that God won't give you anything you can't handle. My husband said that actually he will give you more than you can handle. If you could get through life on your own with things you could handle, then why would you need help from him or family or friends or professionals? If he gives you things you can't handle, then it forces you to turn to him or to others for help, forging lasting bonds of love and friendship.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it definitely takes a village to get through life.

How To Have A Good Day

Everybody wants to have a good day today, but how do you do it? Summed up in one word: choose.

You have to choose everyday, sometimes every hour, to be happy. You have to work at it. You can get yourself out of a bad mood or panic mode by pure will. I'm talking everyday bad moods, not depression or severe anxiety. There are definitely times when you need therapy and/or medication. I'm talking in generalities here, though these techniques may help to refocus your thoughts regardless of what you are dealing with.

I've definitely had/have a good portion of trials, like we all have, so I say it is possible despite many bad circumstances.

When I'm in a bad mood sometimes I just want to stew in the badness of it. Just go over every bad thing because it almost feels good and justified, I deserve to be in a bad mood. But honestly it doesn't make me feel good, and it usually doesn't solve any problems.

Just this morning I was thinking about the future and literally felt sick to my stomach with worry that things would be so bad we would never be happy. But I stopped myself and looked at the big black cloud of worry and trouble (said in a deep scary voice) and encircled it with a silver lining (said in a fairy voice). It's not that I make the big black cloud go away, I can't, but I can put a silver lining on it and focus on that.

It's not ignoring my problems, but choosing to look at the situation from a different perspective. Look at it from a perspective of hope and happiness. Knowing that even if the big black cloud is always there, I have a silver lining around it. I can do hard things.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS! Remember that statement and tell yourself you can because it's true. Look back on your life and how many hard days you've gone through in the past. How many of those hard days are still around? None, because you survived them and made it to a new day. You can beat hard days. You can do hard things. Telling yourself you can do hard things helps empower you to succeed, even if just for an hour.

Find some humor or beauty in life, even if it's just how beautiful the moon looks, or telling yourself your favorite joke that always cracks you up (even if you're the only one laughing). Laughing and smiling releases tension and gets you back in a positive frame of mind. When you're in a positive frame of mind then you can look at a problem with fresh eyes and focused concentration.

Serve others. You don't have to do anything big, but lots of little good things add together to be a powerful force. Smile and say hi to people. Pay for someone else's lunch. Invite some friends/family/neighbors over for dinner and games. Talk to someone first instead of waiting for others to talk to you. Call or text someone to catch up on how their life is going. Bake a double batch of cookies and give some to others. Volunteer in an elementary, a library, a retirement home, with foster children, on a clean up project, at the homeless shelter. Listen to understand what people are saying. Open a door for someone. You can think of one small service project that would be good for you, and then just do it.

Surround yourself with positivity. Post inspirational quotes where you can see them. Have beautiful pictures on hand to look at. Find positive memes that make you feel good. Talk positively with others, lifting them up as well as yourself. Read about people that inspire you.

Lastly, it's okay and normal to feel all sorts of emotions. It would be weird if you never were sad or mad or revengeful. But don't stay there! Experience the emotion, try to understand it, then try to resolve it so you can be happy. It doesn't mean you won't be mad about the same thing again, but that you can resolve the mad emotion in the moment so it doesn't overtake your brain and life.

Choose to have a good day.

Live One More Day

Some days we wake up and feel awesome! Other days it's feels like...

"Another heartbreak day 

Feels like you’re miles away
Don’t even need no shade
When your sun don’t shine...

Too many passin’ dreams
Roll by like limousines
It’s hard to keep believin’
When they pass you by and by

I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet..."* 

"‘Cause I know this is not

Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfoldAnd this is going to be a glorious unfolding

Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise..."**

When minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days, think back on your life and how fast the years have gone by. You've accomplished so much by just living through every day. And you can make each day worth it by not taking it for granted.

You are alive, you have people who love you, you have the internet if you're reading this, you have a purpose in life. So go live purposefully and watch the glorious unfolding!

*TobyMac - Move (Keep Walkin')

**Steven Curtis Chapman - Glorious Unfolding

Thankful

Before Thanksgiving, the newspaper asked for stories from the community about what people were thankful for. I noticed it for several days and finally decided to write a piece for them. They published some of the stories in the newspaper on Thanksgiving day, mine included, and posted all of them online. It was nice to see my words in print, but I was more grateful for the chance to share my thoughts on what I was thankful for. Here's my story: 

My husband and I received some staggering news just over six years ago. Five months into our first pregnancy I had to be induced to save my life. I had HELLP Syndrome and the baby and I would both have died if they had not induced labor. Our little boy was stillborn the night before my 26^th birthday. It is a never ending road to deal with the loss of a child. But the love and support we received from family, friends, and neighbors was amazing. We were so grateful for monetary help, meals, cards, momentos, and prayers in our behalf.  

It seems in times of tragedy that love pours out in equal amounts to help assuage the pain.  

We went through two more difficult pregnancies. People we didn't even know were praying for us and keeping up to date on our progress. It was amazing to us, and we were thankful for every good thought sent our way.  

We had two beautiful girls and thought the worst was behind us. Life was going pretty well and we were excited about my husband's new job and moving to a new home soon.  

Then our younger daughter started falling. She was twenty months old and had been walking well. We took her to the doctor and he diagnosed a double ear infection. The infection cleared up but her walking got worse. She was to the point where she wouldn't walk and hardly wanted to crawl. After more doctor trips to her pediatrician, an ENT, a couple MRIs, and blood and urine tests, we learned she had neuroblastoma cancer along with OMA syndrome. The tumor had also grown into her lower spinal column complicating the situation.  

From the moment we found out, the doctors and nurses showed both us and our daughters such compassion and understanding. The staff at Primary Children's hospital has been amazing the last nine months. Generous donations to the hospital have helped make our daughter's multiple hospital stays better with handmade blankets, stuffed animals, toys, books, and more. The Ronald McDonald room and the groups who make meals for those away from home help relieve the burden of extended stays.   

From the moment we told our family and friends, we were overwhelmed with love and prayers. Our closest friends, as well as people we hadn't seen for years flooded us with support, mostly online. But we also received cards and meals, gift cards and care packages, and many offers of babysitting.  

Throughout this hard time we have been the recipients of much love and service, all due to the devastating diagnosis of the life altering disease our daughter has. Most of the support was at the initial time of diagnosis, but those who have supported us during this whole long journey are much loved by us. We are forever thankful to all those who take the time to look beyond their busy lives to help us in our time of great need.  

In the words of Fred Rogers, "Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me." 

The Sound Of Silence

"...disturb the sound of silence..."

Music disturbs the sound of silence and touches the soul.

To fully feel emotions, sometimes we need music to take us to the deeper parts of our soul.

This version of this song seems to channel my feelings lately. I've listened to it over and over.

Les Miserables is a musical that disturbs the sound of silence as well. Full of passion- love, anger, pride, war, longing, sadness, desire. It has been my good friend.

We all need cathartic music to help us deal with our emotions.

Find your songs. Feel your emotions.

Empty And Full

Chemotherapy is a beast. Watching your toddler go through chemo is a different kind of hell. It is draining, to say the least. She has a calendar of her own to keep track of her multiple medications, appointments, and blood counts. We go through a lot of hand sanitizer and soap. We miss our families and friends and watch too much tv. We've cut our daughter's hair shorter and shorter in an attempt to mask the thinning but it's coming to a point where we will just need to shave it off.

Each time I have to hold down my screaming child while she gets poked tears off a little part of my soul. Each time I have to give my terrified child a shot myself tears off a big part.

It is lonely. It is hard. It is painful. It takes a toll on the whole family. My other daughter complains the screams are "breaking her ears".

The nausea, picky appetite, gloves for diaper changes, multiple Sharps containers, bags and boxes of medical supplies, confinement away from potential sickness, missed activities and parties, checking for fevers, the hospital stays.

She has a good prognosis and this should all be a distant bad memory one day. That's what keeps me going. But that's not the case for everyone dealing with cancer, and it wrenches my heart to think of those families.

The hospital staff and home health care nurses are wonderful. They care for the patient and the family. They never tire of my many questions and concerns. They are available for anything around the clock.

Family and friends pour out their love, prayers, and concern on facebook and through texts and phone calls. People rearrange their schedules to babysit last minute. Those who aren't sick and don't have anyone sick in their household stop by for visits. There is support from all around.

But with the love and support comes the dreaded question- "What can I do for you?"

Don't ask, I don't know what to say. Do I need you to do anything, probably not, so it's hard to answer the question.

Here are some better things to say or do.

"Would tonight or tomorrow be better for me to bring you a meal? I'm going to do it, so just pick."
"I'm going to bring you a freezer meal. Will you be home for me to drop it off tonight?"
"We're all healthy at my house and it's clean, can I take your other kids for a play date tomorrow?"
"What night would be the best for me to come babysit your kids so you can have date night?"
Give gift cards for restaurants, gas, and groceries.
Make a care package.
Send cards with a personal message.
Keep sending love and support even if they don't always reply back to your message.
Remember it's a long road, keep showing up.

quote

You don't have to show up in person, just show up in genuine love and support. Thank you to all those who have made your love felt though you are miles away, and thank you to those who show up on our doorstep with open hearts.

Saturday Laughs

 sources unknown

Saturday Laughs

sources unknown

Put Good Out Into The World

It seems as if the flags will fly at half mast forever more. Each week there is news of devastation in the world: war, terrorism, random mass killings, politics, famine, disease, and natural calamities. It seems as if the world is in a downward spiral of chaos and darkness. So what can you do to stop it? Probably nothing. It's true. But you can put good out into the world. You can put out light, happiness, kindness, laughter, and joy.

"So much darkness. Offer whatever light you can."

You may think you won't make a difference, and you probably won't make global newspaper headlines, but each good thought you think, each good deed you do has unknown far reaching effects.

"Not a day goes by that the world still doesn't quake with your impact--

 the ground beneath me will always shake because of you."

A smile and a hug may change the course of another's day, potentially shifting their actions from bad to good, thus affecting more lives in return because of your kindness. You will never know it in this life, but in the next life you will see the far reaching consequences of your actions, good and bad. The more good you put out now, the easier it will be to watch your life in review and own up to all you accomplished.

"Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but 

that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary 

folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love."

We get so caught up in our own lives, so ego-centric, by natural design of self preservation. But the more we reach outside of ourselves, the more we learn about ourselves and come to love ourselves and others.

"We are here to awaken from our illusion of seperateness (sic)."

When we look for good in the universe, we find it. When we put out good in the universe, it finds us in return.

"I've found that focusing on the good or bad in a 

person tends to cause those attributes to grow."

Seek out the light and success of others, and let if fuel your fire to shine brighter. We're not here to just compete, we're here on a team. The best race is the human race.

"Call me crazy but I love to see people happy and 

succeeding. Life is a journey, not a competition."

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." Make it happen, put good out into the world. Be the light in the darkness that gives hope to others. Do it now and always.

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."

(unless noted in picture, sources unknown)

Saturday Laughs

sources unknown

Family Is Everything

source unknown

It's easy to dwell on what is wrong in your life and even easier to forget your blessings. But "No matter how poor you think you are. If you have a family, you have everything."

Family is biological and chosen. It's birth, adoption, and friends. 

Some days, months, and even years will be hard but focusing on love in a family will help ease the troubles of you life.

You Know You're A Parent When

You know you are a parent or around kids a lot when ...

When your fridge is more full of your kid's art and fingerprints than food inside.

When you find random photos or texts on your phone.

When you try everything to get your kid to eat, then finally resort to eating it yourself, and as soon as you take the last bite they want it and are upset you ate it.

When you find your kid without a diaper, and wonder how many places their little butt has been.

When you finally get mad at your kid, and then they cry and come to you for comfort because you're their parent, and they still love you even when you're mad at them, breaks your heart.

When you're really sick and you still have to take care of someone else.

When you end up cleaning the whole house looking for something your toddler hid.

When you know the theme songs for all the cartoons.

When you find yourself watching cartoons even after the kids have left the room to go play.

When you don't have any energy and are dead tired but still have to get up three times in the middle of the night and somehow you can do it.

When you don't mind eating something your kid has licked.

When you have all sorts of bodily fluid on you, and it doesn't bother you too much.

When you walk around unknowingly with a sticker on you all day.

When you wear a shirt with a stain, and if someone says something you pretend it just happened.

When you ask where the 'potty' is or say the food is 'yummy' to another adult.

When you reference kid's shows in adult conversation.

When you rock as you stand even if you're not holding a baby.

When you feel like an interpreter for your little kid's way of talking.

When you're just about had enough and your kid hugs you and says they love you- makes it all worth it.