My Job

 

It's been a hard journey getting to where we are with our family, having children. But I don't regret it for one day. It's not always easy, especially in the middle of the night when they cry and cry. There is always a smile, a hug, or something that makes it worthwhile though. 

I don't know why some of the best people aren't able to have children. I don't know why some of the worst people have children. I don't know why I lost one child and kept the other.

I do know that I cherish my children and don't take them for granted. The opportunity to have a child in your life, whether it's your own or someone else's is something to love and enjoy.

Quiet Honesty

 

I've thought this before! Sometimes we really shouldn't say something because it will help keep the peace. Sometimes peace is better than saying what's on your mind. Not all the time, of course, but you need to pick your battles.

Some people say, "I'm just being honest." You can be honest and keep your mouth shut too, you don't have to give your opinion on everything, especially if it's not asked for. 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'

One Person, That's All - Take Two

As I mentioned before, I recently watched The Giant Mechanical Man. There's a part in the movie where a side character says something that defined another thing I've been thinking about. She said something to the effect of: 'It only takes just one person to make you feel special and valid, like you belong.'

I have known people who made me feel comfortable instantly when I met them. I felt like they accepted me and wanted to be my friend. Hopefully you've known at least one person like this. These types of people are especially great to meet when you are feeling uncomfortable at a gathering or social event when you don't really have anyone to talk to. They make you feel included, even if they hardly know you. They see your clothes, your hair, and your posture, but they don't care because mostly they see a fellow human being. The make you feel valid and special, like you belong.

From Wikipedia's different types of love: Xenia, hospitality. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude.

Acient Greece- a person takes a stranger into their home and provides for them, to be repaid with gratitude. That does not happen how, but the same principle can be applied in a social situation. You can bring a stranger into your life for the evening, treat them as a friend, and you will be repaid with gratitude for your kindness.

I've had people in my life that turned into friends, or that I may have only ever met them the one night, but they pulled me into a group conversation, or sat by me when I was the new girl. They saw someone alone and made them feel comfortable.

I try to be the person who sits by someone new, someone not new but alone, or who tells the person alone to come join the group. I know what it's like to be the loner in a social situation. You act like you don't care, but inside you keep hoping someone will come talk to you, sit by you. It can be hard to break into a group conversation, or sit by someone new.

Several years ago I decided to go to a group event in college even though I had no one to go with. I arrived just a couple minutes before it started (so I could scout out the seats after everyone had sat down) and saw an empty seat on the aisle next to some girls who liked nice. I took a deep breath and walked over, bent down and asked if I could sit there. The girls said, "No, we're saving that seat for our roommate." There was no, 'We could scoot over and make an extra seat' or 'Why don't you pull up another chair next to us' just 'No'.

My face must have turned bright red as I headed for some empty seats at the back. I sat by myself. I headed home right after the speaker was done. It was totally understandable that they were saving a seat for their roommate, but as a young adult trying to make friends, it was a bit of a blow.

The opposite has happened to me also. I've had people pull me in and make me feel part of the group. The gesture showed that they noticed me and thought I was worth the effort it took reach out to me. I can remember them and the situation still.

If you can talk to the person alone, sit by someone new, invite a stranger to join your group of friends, you will be the one person who makes them feel special and valid, like they belong. You will make a big difference in their life. Even if you never meet them again, they will remember you.

One Person, That's All - Take One

Recently I watched The Giant Mechanical Man on recommendation from my Mom, and I really liked it. There's a part in the movie where a side character says something that defined what I've been thinking about. She said something to the effect of: 'It only takes just one person to make you feel special and valid, like you belong.'

She was talking about her husband, and I feel the same way about my husband. Why do two people meet and after knowing each other for such a short time comparatively, decide to get married?

Think of all the people you know, especially those you've known for years. Why did you not marry them? Why did you choose your spouse? What made your spouse stand out so much from any other person?

Most people can list of the wonderful attributes of their spouse: nice, fun, smart, funny, hard worker, friendly, good looking, etc... but that list can be applied to so many people.

The reason we chose our spouse over all the others is because besides all the other general characteristics, there was a special sense of emotional intimacy that is unique to the relationship. That one person makes you feel special and valid, like you belong with them. It's a wonderful feeling called love.

From Wikipedia on different types of love: -Agape means love in modern-day Greek. It generally refers to a "pure," ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. It has also been translated as "love of the soul." -Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person.

I think that spouse love is a mix of agape and eros. There's a special eros love with just the one person that combines with the agape to create a beautiful marriage. It makes you stop and stare in wonder at your spouse and think just how lucky you are to have them. It makes your heart beat faster when you know you are going to see your spouse after a long day. It's the comfort of being in each other's arms. It's what Rascal Flatts calls 'Everyday Love', and I just can't get enough of it.

My husband is my best friend, my spouse, my other half that makes me whole, the one who I belong with, and I love him.

Give and Take

Sometimes it can be hard to give a sincere compliment, but to give a sincere thanks can be harder for some people.

If someone gives you a compliment, then take it! Say, "Thank you!" with a smile. :) A compliment is a gift of words. It says the person noticed and appreciated what you did, whether it was helping them or taking the time to look nice. It affirms they admire, approve, and/or respect you.

If you derail their compliment by playing down yourself, then they will be less likely to compliment you in the future. If you graciously accept their compliment, you are validating their opinion and your relationship. They will be more likely to compliment you again in the future.

When you give a compliment, make sure it is sincere. It doesn't have to mean you would wear the shirt, or do the activity, but you can appreciate that the shirt looks good on them, or that they did well in their work.

A compliment will inspire someone to good far more than a criticism. It is adding a precious stone in the relationship path between two people. To accept a compliment is to add another precious stone.

So change your responses from, "It was nothing." (It was something.) "No worries." (Would it cause worry another time?) "This old thing?" (You know you picked that outfit with great care.) to "Thank you!" "Thanks!" "I appreciate you telling me that!" "Thank you for letting me know you liked it!" "Thank you, I worked hard on it!" "Thanks, I love it too!"

Give a little positive and make someone's day!