Lost

Last week I was at discovery time at the library. I had just met a new mom and we were chatting when I noticed my daughter wasn't in the room. I excused myself and peeked out the doors because she had gotten just outside the doors before.

I didn't see her in a quick glance, so I scoured the room again, but didn't see any dark blue shirts, so I walked farther out of the room and looked down a couple rows of books, then looked towards the door that was twenty feet away, nothing.

I looked back into the room, every corner, under tables, no dark blue shirt. I ran out of the room with the other mom following asking me where my daughter was.

I couldn't answer because I felt such panic welling up inside me. I was tearing up, and if I'd tried to talk to her through my sobs, it would have been precious time spent in not finding my daughter.

Every child abduction story I'd heard flashed through my head. I hurried across the library to the children's section, it looked deserted. Finally I saw her in the back corner playing contentedly with the Legos.

I was so relieved to see her there. I scooped her up and a couple tears still leaked out. I knew the other moms were looking for her, but I took a moment to try and compose myself before I went back out. It takes a little while for such intense emotions to fade.

I know almost every parent will lose their child in a public place at sometime or another, but when it happened to me, it was the scariest thing to think that I had lost one of the most precious things I have. It helped me better understand the parents who put their children on leashes.

Hopefully she never gets lost again, but if she does, at least I'll have some experience under my belt already and be more prepared for the overwhelming emotions.

Getting Out and Working

I stay at home with my cute daughter, and I wouldn't give it up for any other job. But I also am the web master for a group, and I do their newsletter too. It doesn't take a lot of time, so I can do it on the side while she naps. I do go to the board meetings several times a year, yesterday being one of the days.

My husband was able to work from home to stay with our daughter so I could go. It was nice to be back in a professional work setting again for a day. I enjoy the thinking and working with other adults, it helps keep my mind sharp. I enjoyed the day working with other adults, but it was also fun to come home and get big hugs from my daughter and husband.

Having a full time job away from my daughter every day isn't an opportunity I would jump at because my favorite is staying home with her. Money is tighter this way, but we are able to still live a good life on my husband's income and my little work contribution.

I know a lot of woman who can't or don't want to stay home with their children, they have to or would prefer to work, and I think that's fine too. Everybody's lives are so different, you just have to figure out what works for you and your family.

We've figured out what works for us, and we love it. My husband works full time, I stay home with my daughter and work during her naps, and go to some board meetings throughout the year. It works for us and so we are happy.

10 by 10 to 100

This is my 100th post, and in commemoration I've written ten lists of ten things- one hundred things about me.

~Ten of my favorite authors and books: Madeleine L'Engle, Tamora Pierce, Garth Nix, Brandon Sanderson, Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, Douglas Adams, Jane Austen, The Only Alien on the Planet by Kristen Randle, Empire by Orson Scott Card, Betsy-Tacy Series by Maud Hart Lovelace.

~Ten of my favorite foods: pizza, potato casserole and ham, raspberries, tomatoes, Arby's roast beef sandwiches, my husband's smoothies and orange julius, mint Oreo shakes, Cheerios, alfredo potatoes*, french fries.

~Ten things I want to accomplish in my life: write a book, write a musical, raise a happy family, live healthily till an old age with my husband, own our dream home, travel to at least my top three destinations, travel to all fifty United States, have a successful side business, create a game, be a motivational speaker.

~Ten places I want to travel to: Australia, France, Vietnam, England, Germany, Spain (again- with my husband this time), Hawaii, Dubai, New York (outside of JFK airport), a rainforest.

~Ten things I enjoy doing: cooking, playing the piano, reading, writing, playing games, talking walks and hikes, crafting, people watching, listening to music, being with my family and friends.

~Ten people I would like to meet: Nikola Tesla, Madeleine L'Engle, Abraham Lincoln, CS Lewis, John Nash, Harry Connick Jr, Kenneth Branagh, Joan of Arc, Jane Austen, and Michelle Obama.

~Ten words I like: serendipity, serenity, seraphim, insuperable, asinine, juxtaposition, lovely, sapphire, September (my birth month), Elisabeth (my name).

~Ten of my pet peeves and dislikes: people who won't answer a phone call but will only text, people across the intersection who make a left turn in front of you as soon as the light turns green for you to go straight, bad smelling people or places, people who don't wash their hands, dogs that bark and jump on you, mushrooms, coconut, mean people, creepy crawlies, noisy eaters (excluding babies).

~Ten of my favorite movies and tv shows: Psych, Big Bang Theory, The Lord of the Rings series, Johnny English, What About Bob, Beauty and the Beast, Hitch, Newsies, Pride and Prejudice, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

~Ten random things: I've eaten a squid eyeball lens, I always point out the moon to my husband, my face gets very red when I'm embarrassed or exercise, I lived in Spain for a month with a study abroad program, I've been snorkeling, I've rolled a wave runner and had to pull my young niece out from under it, I played trombone in school, when I was little I didn't mind shots and would watch the doctor do it, I've never broken a bone, I've never had a speeding ticket.

*Alfredo potatoes is a recipe I created: Wash and poke 4-5 potatoes and microwave till baked, then peel and cube potatoes. In a baking dish, layer all the potatoes, followed by cooked crumbled breakfast sausage (I use Jimmy Dean), then a layer of alfredo sauce (squish it down into the potatoes and sausage a little), a layer of spinach (if it's fresh put a lot more than you would think because it shrinks a lot), then more alfredo sauce, then shredded cheddar cheese (or I use colbyjack, a mix of orange and white) over the whole pan. Bake at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes. Yumm!

Weeping

I knew a man who lived in fear
It was huge, it was angry,
It was drawing near.
Behind his house a secret place
Was the shadow of the demon
He could never face.
He built a wall of steel and flame
And men with guns to keep it tame
Then standing back he made it plain
That the nightmare would never ever rise again
But the fear and the fire and the guns remain.

We all have things in our past that are huge and angry, shadows of demons. We build walls of steel and flame to protect our fears. We hide them, saying we are okay now, but we live in fear of the past, of the skeletons in our closets, of our personal demons, our nightmares, our weakness. We've moved passed but are afraid they might appear and haunt us again, so we imprison them.

It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
He tells the world that it's sleeping
But as the night came round
I heard its lonely sound
It wasn't warring, it was weeping
It wasn't warring, it was weeping.

We let people know we're okay during the day, but in the night when our minds are our own, we weep in remembrance. When we feel it's okay to feel vulnerable we experience the emotions again in privacy, the pain and the sadness.

And then one day the neighbours came
They were curious to know about the smoke and flame
They stood around outside the wall
But of course there was nothing to be heard at all
"My friends," he said, "We've reached our goal
The threat is under firm control
As long as peace and order reign
I'll be damned if I can see a reason to explain
Why the fear and the fire and the guns remain."

People come poking at your past, they come begging to hear of your problems, your weak spots, your demons. They wonder why you are still prickly about certain topics, why you don't want to talk about certain things, why you still get sad or mad. Tell them, "I'll be damned if I can see a reason to explain" myself to you, it's my life, butt out.


It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow

Let the past stay in the past, let bygones be bygones, don't dig and prod and poke people's sore spots. Let them protect their demons, their vulnerability. Live and let live.

Lyrics written by Dan Heymann, sung by Josh Groban, http://www.weeping.info/

Pulling Your Own Weight

"Socially unacceptable": You're so fat! Getting a spare tire around the middle, aren't you! I see a double chin and almost a triple chin there! Talk about flabby arms, just look at yours! You need to lose some weight! Time to start shedding the pounds!

"Socially acceptable": You're so skinny! Why don't you eat something! You need to gain some weight! You need some meat on those bones! I need to feed you some candy bars! If you turned sideways I wouldn't see you!

To me these are all socially unacceptable.

Every body is different, even at the same weight as the above picture shows.

My husband and daughter are thin, and they have gotten comments about it their whole lives. When my daughter gained a little more weight, someone said she was finally looking more healthy, unintentionally inferring that she previously looked unhealthy and was not fully healthy looking. Guess what, she's thin like her Dad, and that's healthy for her. She's adorable and just the right size for her. My husband is healthy, strong, and thin, just the right size for him.

I knew a runner who had a bit of a belly. He ran marathons and was extremely healthy but had a little extra fat in front, just the right size for him.

Bodies are all different, just because someone is different from you, doesn't give you the right to comment on their body. Give people true compliments: That shirt looks really good on you! You look great in red! I love you just the way you are!