The Fleeting Life of Women's Clothes

Earlier this week when my husband and I were putting away the laundry, he held up one of my shirts and said, "This is getting a little short. Since high school was ten years ago, maybe it's time to get rid of this one." I laughed and told him that it was a shirt he picked out for me about two years ago. We were both amazed at how it had shrunk.

That was not a one time experience for us. It seems like several of my shirts have shrunk over time. I have a couple pairs of pants that have holes in the back where the pocket attaches. I have other shirts and tank tops that have holes in them too.

It seems like women's clothes aren't made to the same standard as they used to be, or even the same as men's clothing. My husband's clothes are thicker, more durable, and last a long time. I feel like I have a shirt or pair of pants for a couple years and then they are worn out.

Women's clothes are tighter fitting which causes more stress on the clothes. They are also thinner and stretchier, which doesn't help their longevity.

I've thought a couple times of just shopping at thrift stores. I could get more clothes for the same amount of money, and they seem to last as long as brand new clothes. Also, I would probably try more styles because when it's two dollars, why not?

 

 

I've been looking for a new swimsuit because my other two are fairly sheer in the back. I've recently learned that they are serious when they say handwash and line dry. Do not put them in the washer and especially the dryer.

 

We've been to multiple stores, I've tried on lots of suits, looked on many websites, and have been very discouraged with it all.

 

 My husband picked out the above swim suit at Dillards. I told him I didn't want to try it on even though I liked it because I just knew with a price tag of $158 that it would be the perfect suit. He had me try it on anyway for him. It was comfortable, cute, pulled in the stomach, covered what I wanted covered, and enhanced what I wanted enhanced, the perfect suit with an unperfect price tag.

 

My husband was willing to buy it, even at that price, if he thought it would last a long time. But with the experiences we've had with my clothes, we were both skeptical. We also both had the thought that I would hardly want to use it because what if it got ripped going down a water slide or something else happened to it? So sadly, I am leaving the perfect suit behind in search of a cheaper one.

 

Someday maybe I'll start a line of women's clothing that lasts for thirty years guaranteed but doesn't cost more than twenty dollars for anything.

Feelings of Apathy

Is it the winter blues, cabin fever, spring fever, mild depression, gray cloudy skies, lack of sunshine, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), or the cold weather? Perhaps a lack of sleep, unhealthy foods, lack of exercise, raising kids?

Whatever it is that causes feelings of apathy in people, especially during the winter, I know I've been feeling it. The lack of motivation to clean the house, exercise, or do anything except watch tv while eating chips and cookies.

We've all been there before, and I know several people who are there right now. The transition to spring is upon us though, and there is bright sunny hope shining through! There is something about sunny days that make us feel good. The vitamin D our bodies get from the sunshine helps us feel better.

When there's a weeks worth of newspapers piled up, a stack of mail to go through, dishes on the counter because the sink is full, the tubs and toilets have dirty rings around them, books and toys are strewn across the floor, the baby isn't sleeping well, you haven't done your hair nice for three days, and you need to get dinner on the table soon, it can all seem overwhelming.

What helps me is to try to do at least one thing every day. One day it's do three loads of laundry, the next day fold the laundry, the next day put away the laundry, the next day do the dishes, the next day empty the dishwasher.

Many times if I can do at least one thing that day, I get the motivation to do more and get a lot done. But if not, then at least I did something that day.

If you can find a friend or neighbor to do a babysit switch with you, then go for it! One person takes all the kids for a couple hours and lets the other do some cleaning, then switch.

Find yourself a cheerleader. Tell your spouse, parent, or best friend that you have a goal to do something productive everyday and need a cheerleader to help. Your person should be happy to encourage you without finding fault. Then when you do your dishes, exercise, eat an apple instead of a candy bar, or vacuum the house, report back to them, and you'll get some good praise and encouragement. Everyone has been through a tough time, or is going through one, and could use a cheerleader. Find someone that loves you and let them help you.

Put some music on too! I love to clean the house to the Newsies soundtrack and sing along. Make an upbeat Pandora station, or invest in yourself and spend $10 on fun songs on itunes. Upbeat music will help you get moving and stay motivated, whether you are cleaning, working, or exercising.

When you start feeling unmotivated and apathetic, turn it around.

This Makes Me Happy

Mortality and Taboo Clubs

 

Those of you who are Downton Abbey fans, like I am, will know that this is Sybil, a character in the show. I thought if someone made a movie of my life, I wouldn't mind if she played me.You will also know that she dies from eclampsia after giving birth. 

If I had lived back then, I would have died also in a similar manner. I had HELLP Syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HELLP_syndrome, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001892/)  with my first child, which is like severe eclampsia. I'm only here today because of the miracle of modern medicine. It's a cliche phrase, but very appropriate.

I had pre-eclampsia with both pregnancies, the first pregnancy went past everything else all the way to HELLP Syndrome, the second pregnancy to toxemia. I was induced both times. One resulted in a stillborn son, the other in a living daughter. Both times I am alive because of the medical care I recieved.

As I watched Sybil suffer from eclampsia and die, I was a little numb, didn't feel much emotion. I think it is because that could easily have been me. To see what could have happened to me, but didn't was a little shocking.

Both pregnancies ended with the doctor telling us that I needed to get to the hospital quickly. Go home and grab some stuff of course, but then get to the hospital as soon as possible. I was in the hospital for a couple days both times.

Someone I know mentioned they actually had to have an IV when they gave birth the second time. From my experience, I didn't know that wasn't normal. I had IV's the whole time, with extra medication, and other medication to cancel the first on standby in case there was a problem. The first time, they also reserved some extra blood for me in case of an emergency, and I was assigned a nurse just for me.

If Sybil had the baby now (and was a real person), then she would have survived. If I had lived back then, I would be dead, twice.

Just as hard as these experiences were to endure, I think it was worse for my husband. I felt pretty sure that the doctors would take care of me, and I would be okay. But for him to be able to do absolutely nothing while his wife was so close to death except wait by my bed for a few days, then to lose a child and almost a wife. Then with the next pregnancy, we were pretty sure we would lose that baby too, the doctors were very worried about the outcome, not just us. My husband was worried he would lose a wife and a second baby. Everything turned out okay in the end with our second baby, but less than a year later, his dad died suddenly of a heart attack at a young age.

For him to almost lose a wife, to lose a son, to worry about losing his wife again and another baby, then to have a sudden life change and to deal unexpectedly with the challenges of a newborn, then to lose his dad, all within just over two years, it's almost too much. He went from challenge to challenge to challenge, and we are all still dealing with everything.

Sometimes we talk about how nice it was to be naive and in a happy bubble, before any serious trouble started. Is the knowledge, experience, and understanding we receive from trials worth it? Some yes, but others, I would rather stay innocent and unexperienced. If I could go back and change one thing in my life, it would be to have our first son live. Any 'good' that came out of the experience can never make up for losing him. I don't want to understand why it happened because that would feel like accepting that it was okay to happen. Nothing is worth losing a child.

If you lose a spouse then you are a widow/er, if you lose your parents then you are an orphan, if you lose a child then you are a .... Yeah, that's right, there is no word for it. Maybe that's why no one likes to talk about it. I know a lot of people that can't even think about losing a child, so they don't think about it at all because it scares them.

There are many tragedies that happen in our lives that put us in special clubs. No one volunteers to be in these clubs, and you can't leave the clubs, and most people don't want to talk about your membership. You are part of a taboo club. The tragedies include loss of a loved one especially a spouse or child, loss of a limb, diseases and sickness, abuse, disabilities, mental illness, infertility, wayward children, and the list goes on.

The advice of most people is to get over it as soon as possible. But they don't understand that you don't ever 'get over it', you just adjust to a new normal. Life carries on, so you have to also. People are afraid to talk to you about your 'problem', not sure how to approach the subject, afraid to make you cry.

A close friend shared the following with me. This is about losing a baby, which is my personal tragedy, but I think a lot of it can be applied to other tragedies.

20 Things Angel Mommies Wish You Knew

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

12. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s body and face. My baby was real person – and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren’t interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown

Don't ignore people who are different or had bad things happen to them, it hurts. We had friends who avoided us, and it's not fun.

Be mindful of what you say because though you may not say it to the person, it can get back to them. A woman I worked with at the time was asked if she wanted to go in on flowers for me, she said yes. Then asked if the baby had actually lived and breathed. The answer was no, it was a stillborn. She said, never mind then, it wasn't actually alive, I don't want to go in on flowers anymore.

Be mindful of what you say to the person. I had two women offer to have a baby for us. The first has many troubles of her own. She offered in a casual way in front of other people while we were playing a game. We don't have a close enough relationship on my end for her to offer that, and it was the wrong setting, wrong way of presenting the idea. Then she did it again. The other woman is very close to me and always has been. She talked in a humble unassuming way to me personally in a quiet setting. It was a vastly better experience, one that I actually appreciated. Another example, my husband's family wanted family pictures taken but happened to pick the three month mark after losing our baby. It was hard to take the pictures, which wasn't the problem. The problem was someone telling me to stop crying and get over losing the baby. I did stop crying because anger took over my emotions instead. I think it is totally reasonable and probably expected that a person would cry on the three month mark of their child's death, especially if family photos are being taken.

Most important is to understand that you do not understand what they are going through. You may have a good idea, or have gone through something similar, but everyone's experiences are still different. It's okay not to understand, it's okay not to know what to say. Just be there for the person, and they will help you help them.

Blast From The Past

My sister-in-law started a blog in 2009 with her friends called, On How To Be Lovely. These are two guest posts I wrote for them.
                      

February 15, 2011

We made a goal a couple weeks ago (I made it and my husband went along with it) to have a home-cooked meal every night and to exercise at least three times that week. We actually do this quite frequently, but strangely enough, it was harder when I made a goal to do it than when we just do it.

It seems like a goal is harder to keep up with than a habit. It's starting to become a habit for me to go to the gym a couple times a week, and we were already cooking at home a lot; but when I forced myself to do it, I found that I kind of pushed back against myself.

I think goals are harder because they're a change from the normal, and people generally are very resistant to change and to having to do something new. When it's just a normal habit, it's a lot easier. When someone (even ourselves) makes us do something, we don't want to. We want to do things when we want to.

So I decided I need to be careful about my goals in the future--just decide I want to do them, but not set too specific boundaries. That way I won't be forcing myself against my own will and won't be disappointed if I don't accomplish the goal. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it makes for a much less stressful week.

I think the word "goal" is like the word "diet"--it now has a slightly negative connotation (as in people don't want to think about the stress of reaching their goals). We need to have a lifestyle change, not a one-time fix. The trick is getting from goal to habit. Thoughts are very powerful, and if I want to change, I need to think about it and decide to be the person I want to be, not just do the actions.

http://becominglovely.blogspot.com/2011/02/guest-post-lis-no-quick-fixes.html

                         

November 16, 2009

Back when I lived in Provo, there was a restaurant that had really good slow-cooked pulled pork (one of my favorites) and I really liked going there. I went one time by myself and asked the lady behind the counter a question about the menu. She looked like a nice middle-aged mother... until she opened her mouth and made fun of me and my question. I don’t think she meant to hurt me intentionally (still not sure about that) but it did. I didn’t think it was that stupid of a question, but she made me feel like it was. So all of a sudden I felt really uncomfortable, and I could hardly stand finishing my transaction and waiting for my food because her whole manner was offensive. I didn’t go back to that restaurant for a while just in case she was the lady behind the counter. Finally I did end up going again because the food is good, and there was a girl my age at the counter and she was one of the friendliest cashiers I have ever met. After I got my food and walked out, I felt really, really good. It wasn’t just because I was getting good food, but it was the way she was so friendly and open and happy. It made me want to go back again the next day.

The reason for this story is that I have noticed, especially the last eight years or so, that there are some people who try to force themselves on you, force their opinions, their actions, and their responsibility on you, and you respond a certain way because of how they acted toward you. Sometimes I find myself saying I agree with those people even though I don’t necessarily agree just because it’s like they’re forcing their opinion down my throat, and if I didn’t agree I would be the stupidest, most ignorant person in the world. People like that expect everyone to agree with them because they think they are always right, and they want you to know they are right too.

On the other hand, I’ve had many encounters with people who are so open, kind, loving, friendly, happy, and all around lovely, that I feel uplifted and confident after I’ve talked with them because they exude loveliness and loving.

As part of becoming lovely myself, I’ve tried to put a smile on my face, not make snap judgments, accept all types of people, and leave myself open to new experiences and friendships. Many times I’ve made snap judgments about people only to get to know them better and realize that they are great people. It’s something I work on constantly. I know though, that as I learn to smile and be open to people, both of us feel better afterward.

http://becominglovely.blogspot.com/2009/11/guest-post-elisabeth_16.html

Birdhouse Bookshelves and Book Blind Dates

I love to read! I read from all sorts of genres, but the ones I read most are teen fiction and fantasy. Having worked in multiple libraries for about eleven years and volunteered for about three years, I feel I have somewhat of a bookish understanding and can be considered a bibliophile and a bookworm.

For a deeper look into what those words mean, I turned to Wikipedia. "Bibliophilia or bibliophilism is the love of books. Accordingly a bibliophile is an individual who loves books. A bookworm is someone who loves books for their content, or who otherwise loves reading. ... A bibliophile may be, but is not necessarily, a book collector." You can follow this link to learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibliophilia.

I don't collect a lot of books, just some of my favorites. I don't even have all of those because buying books costs money and requires storage space. Plus, the list of my favorites is extensive. I do use my library a lot though.

It's difficult to track the books I've read and want to read, but a great site to help is Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com. If we aren't friends on Goodreads already, let me know! I know there are still many books that I've read that I can't remember the title, but I tried  my best to remember and log them. My library offers a great service- they keep a record of everything you check out, and they enable you to export the list so you can have a copy.

Yesterday I read an article in American Profile http://americanprofile.com/articles/little-free-libraries about Little Free Libraries http://www.littlefreelibrary.org/. People all around the country are building birdhouse like bookshelves and stocking them with books. Others can come by and borrow or donate a book or two. It's a great idea! Many of them are in people's yards, or in parks, like the picture. For people that don't have easy access to libraries, this is a great resource.

Another fun idea that the librarians are doing is a blind date with a book http://www.standard.net/stories/2013/02/13/syracuse-high-students-enjoy-blind-date-book. Librarians wrap up books and give a little teaser. Patrons pick one that looks interesting and get a surprise book to take home.

Though I try hard not to, I know I judge books by their covers, which is very unfair. Authors often don't have much say in what their book covers look like. I think this is a great idea to get people interested in books they might not normally pick up.

I love to discover new books about the same amount as rereading my favorites. It was really hard, but I finally was able to pick a favorite author, Madeleine L'Engle. Her books resonate with me. She writes fiction and non fiction, and I've loved both. She writes in a way that seems to me very honest and unpretentious. She writes about religion without forcing it upon anyone, it's just what she believes. She weaves themes into her books about good and evil, pure love, forgiveness, family, friendship, anger, sorrow, joy, and happiness. She is most famous for her book A Wrinkle in Time, which is the beginning of a series about the Austin family. I was able to find some of her audio books she recorded in her own voice, and I loved them because I knew I was hearing it the way that she, that author, wants them to be heard.

Every time I read a book, it becomes a little part of who I am. Many books have made me think differently about certain topics, or even just think about them at all. There are so many things we take for granted and don't even think about, and books are a way to bring a topic to light.

There's a book for everyone, and everyone needs a book.

Fortune Favors The Brave

Fortune favors the brave

It's all worked out, my road is clear
The lines of latitude extend
Way beyond my wildest dreams
Toward some great triumphant end

We seize the day
We turned the tide
We touched the stars
We mocked the grave
We moved into uncharted lands

Fortune favors the brave

The more we find, the more we see
The more we come to learn
The more that we explore
The more we shall return

Nothing is an accident
We are free to have it all
We are what we want to be
It's in ourselves to rise or fall

This is easy to believe
When distant places call to me
It's harder from the palace yard

Fortune favors the brave!

http://www.broadwaymusicalhome.com/shows/aida.htm
          _ _ _
 
These lyrics are from the musical Aida. This song could be the theme song for anyone who has a goal they want to achieve- so that is everyone, hopefully. Let's dig deeper.

First of all the title: Fortune Favors the Brave. Sometimes I look at all the successful people, and all I see is their success, where they are now. I don't know the back story of the hours spent doing the nitty-gritty hard work. The staying up all night to meet a deadline. The hours and hours spent in the trenches practicing or working hard. The multiple failures that ended in tears.

Some people are extremely lucky and get successful by pure chance and no talent and work. For the other 99% of us, it takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to be successful in something. But, fortune favors the brave.

I've read in books and heard many times, that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. It's true. If you have a dream or a goal, you can't just spend all your time wishing it will come true, you need to have a plan to make it come true.

It's all worked out, my road is clear
The lines of latitude extend
Way beyond my wildest dreams
Toward some great triumphant end
Make a plan so the path to your goal is all worked out, and the road is clear. The path you follow will hopefully take you beyond what you could have imagined would happen.

Like in the movie What About Bob?, you need to take baby steps! Start with your end goal. Break that down in to what you can do this year, this month, this week, and then today. Then do it today!
The more we find, the more we see
The more we come to learn
The more that we explore
The more we shall return

As you start working on your baby step goals, you will learn more about what it is you are working towards. You start to become an expert in that area. The more time you put into it, the more reward you will get out of it. Research is a big part of goals. Learn as much about what you want to achieve, how others achieved it, and how you can achieve it.

Nothing is an accident
We are free to have it all
We are what we want to be
It's in ourselves to rise or fall

We are free to have it all, but we need to be willing to work for it, nothing is an accident. We are what we want to be. You may think that you don't want to be the way you are, but if you've been that way for years, it has been because you chose it. It's in ourselves to rise or fall. You have to chose to break free from the past, from the fear that's holding you back, to become the amazing person you've always wanted to be.

It starts with a seed of desire, that slowly builds into a wanting, a yearning for something more. That feeling will grow inside you as mull over plans in your head. You start to research out the thought and see what others think. Then one day when you just can't stand it anymore, you do something that gets you moving in the right direction, that first step! Then you make a plan, set long term and short term goals. Then you fight every day to make your dream come true. You will fall and get hurt, probably several times. But you will get up and get going again because you have a dream that no one can stop you from.

There will always be people who are downers and nay-sayers, who will try to stop you and drag you down. Do your best to ignore them. They can hardly stand the thought that you are working towards your dream while they sit in their mediocrity and failure, so they will try to stop you. Don't let them! Don't let others darkness keep you from letting your light shine.

Tell them: If you don't like your fate, change it. You are your own master, there are no shackles on you. So don't expect any pity or understanding from this humble palace slave! (from Enchantment Passing Through- Aida)

We've all been in bad places, but that's no reason to stay there. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances that can make it difficult to achieve our dreams, but people have overcome many obstacles, and you can too.

If the most you can do right now is stay up ten minutes after everyone has gone to bed and do one little thing to work towards your dream, then that's ten minutes more than everyone else! Ten minutes a day adds up to over an hour a week.

This is easy to believe
When distant places call to me
It's harder from the palace yard

While planning your goals, it's easy to see how they could work out, to dream the impossible dream. But when you are stuck in the palace yard, it can be discouraging. You just have to remember that fortune favors the brave. The universe seems to help those that are working towards their goals. You are in the right place at the right time with the right people to do what you want to do. Fortune favors the brave who work on their goals rather than those who do nothing.

You can't expect your life to change, no matter how much you want it to, if you don't change what you are doing. You have to make changes in ways that are sustainable for your life. No diet lifestyle changes. By that I mean that you can't change your diet/exercise habits, lose a lot of weight, then expect to go back to your normal eating/exercise habits and expecet the weight to stay off. Incorporate your dream little by little into your life until it becomes your life.

Seize the day, turn the tide, touch the stars, mock the grave, move into uncharted lands, fortune favors the brave!

Where Is The Line?

As Billy Talent sings so well: "Where is the line? Where is the line?
                                                  Between your fashion and your mind
                                                 Where is the line? Where is the line?
                                                  ‘Cause some of us are blind!
                                                 Where is the line? Where is the line?
                                                  To be your self is not a crime
                                                 Where is the Line? Where is the line?
                                                  ‘Cause some of us are blind!"

My question is Where is the line? Where is the line? Between you or another person being uncomfortable.

I've had many times where someone wants more from me than I feel comfortable giving, whether it be invading my personal space with an uninvited hug or touch, or information I don't want to share with them.

Some people are very touchy-feely, others have a big personal bubble, and most of us are somewhere in between. I'm in the in between category. It also depends on who I am interacting with, of course.

So where is the line between me feeling uncomfortable by their closeness (physical/emotional), or me drawing a boundary and them feeling uncomfortable.

As Billy Talent sang, "To be your self is not a crime", but when it infringes on other people, then it can be a problem at least. People who like to hug everyone don't seem to understand that it's not okay with everyone, or that it's not okay all the time.

Philosophically I'd like to tell you that I draw the line with people. "You don't have to hug me every time I see you and every time we say good bye and once in between." or "Don't hold onto me for thirty seconds when you hug me." or "Don't sit so close to me." or "Could you stand back just another half a foot while we talk?" or "If you didn't notice by my short vague answers, I don't want to talk about it." or "We don't have a close enough relationship for you to ask/tell me that." or "I do not want to cry in front of you, so back off." or "Don't call or text me so much." or "Don't write about very personal things on my facebook wall, send me a message instead." or "Don't offer to help me when you have more problems than I do. Take care of your own problems." or "I can't make it to every event in your life and your kid's lives." etc....

But the reality of actually having the courage to say those things to people is very hard. So most of the time I (we all) just endure them uncomfortably, then talk about the person after they are gone. Everybody does it!



Here's an approximation of my circles. There are certain people that are in different categories, and certain times when they change, but as a general rule.

Kids are always told, "You're not the center of the universe!" But I am the center of my universe, and you are the center of your universe. Kids are the center of their own universes, just not everyone else's universes.

When people try to pass the line that I drew for them in my mind, it makes me uncomfortable. Everyone has their own lines and circles, and they don't match other people's lines, and that is where the problems start.

So how do I tell someone to stay in there circle?

I know someone who will always say, "It's just who I am!" as their defense. Everyone is a certain way, but when you are making lots of people uncomfortable, maybe it's time to pull back on the bad habits and strengthen the good habits. You're still being you, just the better part of you.

For me, I just need to find more strength to say what I want to say to make me and my family comfortable. If I can't put myself before others, then I won't be able to take care of others. I'm the center of my universe, so I need to be there for myself. Then it ripples out, and I take care of the closest ones first.

It's You, Not Me

This is very true. We've all had our run ins with crappy people that make for crappy experiences.

I know I can get stuck going over and over again in my head what I should have said, or what I want to say to them, or imagining different scenarios.

I don't think it's bad to do this. It's part of our brains sorting out everything we deal with. The problem is when you keep rehashing the same thing over and over. It can be hard to get it out of your head.

I try to think, "I'm wasting my time thinking about this person that I don't really like. They are wasting my time. I would rather spend my time better." So I wad up the conversation and throw it away, smash it flat, burn it, or shut it out. Watching TV is better than wasting time rehashing.

Sometimes I have to do this a couple times, but eventually I distract myself with something else that's a better use of my time, energy, and emotions.

Don't be a crappy person, and don't waste your time thinking about crappy people!

Do be nice to others. Smile at people. :D Say hi and talk for a minute. It will make you and the other person happy. Then when people think about you, it will be time well spent!

Good Books

I have recently read the first three books in the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld, and I have the last one on hold at the library. When Uglies came out, I thought I should read it because it looked interesting and everyone said it was really good, but I didn't. Same with the rest of the series. Finally, a couple weeks ago I saw that my sister had the first two books so I borrowed them from her because I've been looking for a good book.

I quickly read through the first two books, then got the next one, and now I'm impatiently waiting for the last one from the library.

This is a teen dystopian series. The premise is that when people turn sixteen, they have extensive plastic surgery done to become beautiful. Everyone wants it, everyone gets it, or so Tally thinks until she meets Shay. Her world is suddenly turned upside down, and the books get really interesting.

Another good book dealing with the concept of beauty and ugliness is Fairest by Gail Carson Levine. Aza is ugly, but she has a beautiful singing voice. She has some interactions with the prince, and it starts a grand adventure.

All of these books made me think a lot about beauty and the affect is has on people. Do we really let beauty affect how we interact with people. Sadly, yes we do. Can it be over come? Happily, yes it can!

Personality will go a lot farther than good looks for anyone. You can be beautiful but a terrible person and people will eventually hate you. You can be ugly but an amazing person and people will eventually love you.

Honestly, we all judge books (people) by their covers, but smart people learn to read the words underneath and get to love the characters.

___book.com

 

Ah, facebook. The bane and the center of so many lives.

I admit I'm probably on facebook too much. I don't post a lot, but it's an easy way to keep in touch with other people.

Facebook, as with many social medias, has introduced etiquette problems that never existed before.

There are the complainers- almost every post is to complain about their life, their spouse, their kids, their job, how nobody agrees with their political views, how the world is totally against them, and it's not fair! Simple fix- complainbook.com

There are the child promoters- they have a photo album for every birthday, holiday, season, concert, sporting event, and three just because. They give out way too much information about their kids, and everything they did, whether it was good, bad, or ugly. Simple fix- kidcenteredbook.com

There are the sunshiners- life is always AmaZiNg! and nothing ever goes wrong in their lives. It's always sunshine and roses, prizes and first places, smiles and laughter. Of course in your head you think, 'Yeah right, there has to be something bad in your life, or are you really that oblivious?' Simple fix- LiFeIsAmaZiNg.cOm

There are the contesters- they enter into every contest, drawing, or competition. Every day there is a vote-for-me link with the line 'I know this is probably annoying, but please please PLEASE click the link and vote for me!' Simple fix- contestbook.com

There are the fb gamers- the people you block invites from because they send you an invite every month to join farmville, yoville, petville, or treasure fiesta. There are five requests from them to send you a board or a spice, to help them out. Simple fix- gamebook.com

The politicalactivers- these people are always posting about their views on politics, on minorities, on the oppressed, anti-government, anti-majority, anti-popular, anti-tradition, and 'I've been enlightened, and you should listen to me and become enlightened also because you are living and believing in a cruel medieval lifestyle. If you don't agree with me, you must be a hater!' They say they are open-minded and don't want to argue, but they argue with anything you say that's different than what they say. Simple fix- politicalbook.com

There are the stalkers- they will almost always like or comment on your posts, but rarely put up their own posts. They know all about you, and you know nothing about them. Simple fix- none, because they need facebookers to stalk!