My sister-in-law started a blog in 2009 with her friends called, On How To Be Lovely. These are two guest posts I wrote for them.
February 15, 2011
We made a goal a couple weeks ago (I made it and my
husband went along with it) to have a home-cooked meal every night and to
exercise at least three times that week. We
actually do this quite frequently, but strangely enough, it was harder when I
made a goal to do it than when we just do it.
think goals are harder because they're a change from the normal, and people
generally are very resistant to change and to having to do something new. When
it's just a normal habit, it's a lot easier. When someone (even ourselves) makes
us do something, we don't want to. We want to do things when we want
I decided I need to be careful about my goals in the future--just decide I want
to do them, but not set too specific boundaries. That way I won't be forcing
myself against my own will and won't be disappointed if I don't accomplish the
goal. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it makes for a much less stressful
think the word "goal" is like the word "diet"--it now has a slightly negative
connotation (as in people don't want to think about the stress of reaching their
goals). We need to have a lifestyle change, not a one-time fix. The trick is
getting from goal to habit. Thoughts are very powerful, and if I want to change,
I need to think about it and decide to be the person I want to be, not just do
November 16, 2009
Back when I lived in Provo, there was a restaurant that had really good
slow-cooked pulled pork (one of my favorites) and I really liked going there. I
went one time by myself and asked the lady behind the counter a question about
the menu. She looked like a nice middle-aged mother... until she opened her
mouth and made fun of me and my question. I don’t think she meant to hurt me
intentionally (still not sure about that) but it did. I didn’t think it was that
stupid of a question, but she made me feel like it was. So all of a sudden I
felt really uncomfortable, and I could hardly stand finishing my transaction and
waiting for my food because her whole manner was offensive. I didn’t go back to
that restaurant for a while just in case she was the lady behind the counter.
Finally I did end up going again because the food is good, and there was a girl
my age at the counter and she was one of the friendliest cashiers I have ever
met. After I got my food and walked out, I felt really, really good. It wasn’t
just because I was getting good food, but it was the way she was so friendly and
open and happy. It made me want to go back again the next day.
for this story is that I have noticed, especially the last eight years or so,
that there are some people who try to force themselves on you, force their
opinions, their actions, and their responsibility on you, and you respond a
certain way because of how they acted toward you. Sometimes I find myself saying
I agree with those people even though I don’t necessarily agree just because
it’s like they’re forcing their opinion down my throat, and if I didn’t agree I
would be the stupidest, most ignorant person in the world. People like that
expect everyone to agree with them because they think they are always right, and
they want you to know they are right too.
On the other hand, I’ve had
many encounters with people who are so open, kind, loving, friendly, happy, and
all around lovely, that I feel uplifted and confident after I’ve talked with
them because they exude loveliness and loving.
As part of becoming lovely
myself, I’ve tried to put a smile on my face, not make snap judgments, accept
all types of people, and leave myself open to new experiences and friendships.
Many times I’ve made snap judgments about people only to get to know them better
and realize that they are great people. It’s something I work on constantly. I
know though, that as I learn to smile and be open to people, both of us feel