Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Forgive And Forget?

There are some things that happen to you that you won't ever be able to forget. If the event was good, then it's a wonderful thing to have the happy memories. But if the event was bad, it can haunt you day and night.

There is a phrase: Forgive and forget. I don't necessarily agree with it. My version of it is: Get rid of the bad and learn from the past.

Forgiveness is about you. Forgiveness is about the emotions you have inside you. Forgiveness is about what you do with your life after an event, how you let it change your life.

After a bad event there are normal and needed negative emotions: fear, anger, hate, guilt, shame, denial, numbness, loneliness, betrayal, and a sense of loss. These negative emotions help you deal temporarily with what happened; they provide a needed buffer to reality. They are part of the process of healing and forgiveness, an outlet for the pain.

Everybody uses these emotions for varying amounts of time. For most people, there comes a point where they want to stop feeling bad, and they want to start feeling normal again. Normal is an ever changing concept. Normal will never be the same for everyone, or the same throughout your life. You need a new normal, a new way of looking at life that incorporates the event and how it changed you into a new you, a new normal.

This is the beginning of the healing and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the bad. You shouldn't forget because you need to learn from the past, but you can let go of the bad feelings inside you. It is not easy, but it is possible.

You will still feel sad when you think of the event, and you'll have flare ups of negative emotions, but you'll be able to rid yourself of the constant blackness inside. It can be scary to let go of the bad feelings because they've been with you for so long, your normal, but you'll feel better once they are gone.

Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the world can seem so vast
On a journey to the past 

Bad events need to be worked through with healing and forgiveness the end result. You don't need to forget the event once the bad feelings are gone, but you also don't need to dwell on it. Learn from your mistakes, and learn from the mistakes of others. Mis-take, took the wrong path, missed taking the right path. Now you know what the right path is for you and for others. 'Life is full of choices' so choose the right ones, choose a positive new normal, choose forgiveness so you can have peace.

No comments:

Post a Comment